Mishka Blog 7: Boldly Going

Mishka Blog 7: Boldly Going


            (Butt—or, well… I don’t mean that scatologically…)


I’ve been thinking about planets lately.  Or—well, I mean… I have a penchant for astronomy, though my mind does not always grasp the intricacies (the advanced math loses me).

What has, of late, respawned mine interest was something in the news regarding the definition of a planet.  Why are some heavenly bodies just too uptight to even return my phone calls?  (Hup!  Sidetracked.  Just skip that last bit…)  Bitches.  (Ahem.)

Why are some heavenly bodies designated planets, while others are not?  I sort of feel bad for Pluto, being downgraded to a dwarf planet—but then again it never really should have been a planet to begin with… and, anyway, no shame in being a dwarf planet; be what you are, dammit!  That’s all anyone can ask…  I feel worse for some of the moons—like Titan or Triton or Io or Callisto or Europa or Ganymede or our own Luna (to name the biggest)—that would be planets by their own right if they hadn’t inadvertently started revolving around another planet instead of in direct orbit around the sun…  (I read that there are about 25 bodies in our solar system that could be deemed planets, but I think that primarily stems from the part of the definition requiring sufficient mass to make the body (for the most part) spherical.)

And then there is Nemesis—the brown dwarf, sister star in our own binary system…

Or there might be.  (They don’t really know…)


But that’s all really rather neither here nor there…

Gravity’s pretty weird, hey?  (Oooo, nice segue!)

This is the thought I had today upon waking:  gravity.  What the hell?!

The closest I’ve come to understanding the forces at play in the Universe—without bringing up Star Wars… (Dammit!  Which I just did anyway.)

The closest I’ve come to understanding the forces at play in the Universe—and, specifically, gravity—involves a bed with a sheet and a bowling ball… and (I guess) some marbles.  If you put the bowling ball (representative of a star—like Earl Anthony?!  (Just nevermind…)) in the center of the bed, it makes an indentation.  Then if you could roll your marbles (I don’t mean that dirty!) around the bowling ball, they would be drawn toward it—like planets around a star… but, presumably, centrifugal force from their motion (in the vacuum of space, and without the actual burning of energy from friction in some big, cosmic bed) would keep the marbles from getting pulled into and consumed by the nuclear inferno… of a bowling ball… (apparently…)

It might be more than just the math that stymies me…


Now that we all have a basic understanding of gravity… (sigh~)

How does the Universe work?  I mean, the basic form of anything seems to be a circle and/or sphere, right?  (And maybe science and astronomy has already decided this and I either just didn’t know or knew but didn’t know I knew… you know?)  So presumably the Universe should be a sphere as well.  And all the eye (and/or telescope) can see is actually on the “outer shell” of the Universe… because space is curved (I don’t know how that works either)—so even though it might seem as though we’re looking in a straight direction, our line of vision actually curves around the arc of the “surface” of the Universe… and, if we were to look far enough, we should (theoretically) look all the way around and see the backside of us looking the other way!

This might also make sense when one considers wormholes—short-cuts through the space-time continuum… mayhap they are but cutting through the interior of the Universal sphere.  [Diagram not included… because it’s a bloody blog—what the hell am I, an artist?!]  Think of it like traveling on Earth; if you go over the surface, from Wisconsin to (for example) Australia, it takes a long time, because you have to go all along the outer curve of the planet—but if there were a tunnel through the middle of the Earth, it would be a straight shot, and it would go much more quickly… if you weren’t consumed in the fiery magma at the center of the planet… or crushed to death by the tremendously stronger gravity toward the core—

(Just skip that whole last bit…)

So, traveling via wormholes through the center of the Universal sphere… which would be nice, because it wouldn’t be like traveling through interstellar space—which is just dull and boring and dull and (uh!) not at all interesting (very much); because the innards of the Universal sphere are made up of a sort of Sentient Jam—Myriad Jellicosms?  (maybe not)—which is also telepathic and can provide travelers-through with a psychic projection taken right out of their (the travelers’) minds, creating an entertaining pastime during transit… and, as well, it tastes good—and (bonus) it’s good for you!…  Mayhaps.


            (Though, of course, as I mentioned, this was all just as I was waking up… I could have still been partially asleep.  And it (the Universe) may not really be a sphere… I don’t know.)


Happy Lux Mundi.


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—Mishka Zakharin  © 2014


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