Blog #18: Beware the Nones of March

Blog #18:  Beware the Nones of March

Writing a blog should be easy, right?  (Ah-ha!  And/or Righting a blog should be easy—write!?  (Just skip that last bit…) )

Yu jut—

            (HA!!)

You just have to ask yourself:  what’s on my mind?

            A glowing fungus?!  A small crawling animal!?  Rickets?!?  Phlegm!?!

Just nevermind…

 

What exactly is (are) the ‘Nones’ of March?

I mean, everyone knows what the ‘Ides’ of March is…

            (I don’t think very many people know what the Ides of March—or of anything—is.  Many may know the phrase ‘Beware the Ides of March’… and some may know it is a line from Shakespeare and in reference to Julius Caesar—from the play and to the person… but I would be surprised if anyone I know (almost anyone) knows what the hell an Ides is.)

But that’s not my fault.  If you care, look it up.

            (HAA!!)

Yeah, yeah, no… what the hell.

 

January and February—which did not exist in the original Roman calendar—do not have an Ides or a Nones or a Kalends…

(‘Kalends’!?  What the hell is he bringing in more of this shit before he’s even explained the first two innocuous whatever the—)

Instead, there were 51 days in the winter that were not part of any month, until Numa Pompilius—

            (I know you want to say I just made that name up, because it certainly sounds like a name I would make up, and I would have liked to have made it up, but that was just the dude’s name!)

—created January and February to account for the un-monthed days…  (I know—weird, right?!)  And he named them after his wife and mother-in-law, because they were the two coldest bitches he knew.  (I made that up.)  Butanyhoo…

So before Numa came along, there were only ten actual months; the first four were named for deities, and then (for some reason) the rest were just numerical.  So July, before being renamed for Julius Caesar, was called Quintilis—and August, before being renamed for Caesar Augustus, was Sextilis… which was a month that, for the name, just absolutely nothing got done, because everyone was just busy having sex all the time… and (apparently) with Mel Tillis.  (Perhaps.)

Thus, if you’ve ever wondered (and, frankly, even if you haven’t) why September, the 9th month, is named from the root for seven—or October (10th month/root for eight), or November (which I didn’t get—but I guess that, ‘novem’, means nine, yet for the 11th month), or December (etc.)—well… that’s why.  January and February were not yet conceived.

 

            (Is anyone still reading?  (Was anyone to begin with?!)  Is anyone wondering what the hell I’m droning on about?  And/or why?…  Happy Daylight Savings Time Clock Change Thingy Deal!…  Maybe not.)

            [Bibliography:  I just got all that shit off Wikipedia.]

 

I have a fascination with Time!

But this (a calendaric representation thereof) was not it.

Butanyhoo…

 

To close out that whole bit:  the Kalends, the first day of the month, is believed to have been reflective of the new moon; the Nones, then, was of the half moon, and the Ides was of the full moon.  But in actuality, for our current year, the full moon was a couple of days ago… and I can’t help but wonder—O perfidious calendar amok!—with my waning gibbous all wiggened out!—what did they call the third-quarter moon?

Bananas.

            (Probably not…)

 

I look back over all I have writ thus far… and I can’t help but think of monkeys…

—but that goes nowhere.

 

Perhaps they called the time of the third-quarter moon the Monkeyshines, and such is why I thought of bananas.  (Or because of just having et one?)

 

O Monkeyshines, Monkeyshines!

O when an’ wherefore doth be true,

wherefrom monkey shine Monkeyshines?

All silver and hairy an’ blue!?

Get thee down now from thine high horse,

an’ fling not thine crap at me…

Little monkey, little monkey,

little monkey man shining free!

Hey, nonny-nonny!~

 

And then you hit ‘em in the ass with a bat.

Bananas.

 

            (Whew!~)

 

So what else is going on?

Blah, blah, blah, blah—

How was my week?:  Crappy.

Did I work on ‘The Telemachy’ today?:  Yes.  My initial outline/summary was fairly detailed ‘til about two-thirds of the way through… now, as I’m about two-thirds of the way through the actual writing of the novel, I realized I increasingly felt bogged down.  I had no momentum, and every time I tried to continue on it was like wading through quicksand… (not that I know what that’s like—but I can imagine it is unpleasant… though if it is a warm quicksand, and oozing and clinging and cloying amongst and amidst my bits and—  Nevermind…)  So today I focused on fleshing out the remaining third of the outline/summary… which, I suppose, I did not accomplish—though I did work out the next couple of chapters, and in the most miniscule sort of way gleaned out the general happenstance of the remaining chapters.  So definite progress, if not entirely what I’d set out to do.  (In actuality, I about break even; I’d intended a general—if somewhat more detailed than I already had—overview through to the end… instead I managed extremely detailed in the foreseeable future, and slightly pinned down to the end… so what the hell.)  Tomorrow, actual writing…

Whatcha readin’?:  This last week I finished two books:  Homer’s ‘Iliad’ and Ken Follett’s ‘Winter of the World’ (WWII era historical fiction).  I’m also nearly done with a Star Wars novel by Timothy Zahn entitled ‘Heir to the Empire’.  I started reading Ovid’s ‘Metamorphosis’ and a fantasy novel by Robert Jordan, book two of the Wheel of Time series, entitled… ‘Something About a Duck’…?  (Nope!)  ‘The Great Hunt’!  (That was it…)

What up for the rest of the day?:  I thought about going to the movies to see ‘The Lazarus Effect’… but I’m not going to now, so just forget I even mentioned it.  Instead I’m going to read (or at least start) Shakespeare’s ‘Troilus and Cressida’, and then I’m going to eat a pig (or parts thereof—nothing dirty…).

Did anyone ever tell you you look like Nicholas Cage?:  Yes.  (But I only half believe it…)

What about the dude from ‘An Idiot Abroad’?:  (sigh~)  Alright.  I’m done now.

 

I know not what—I know not what…  What know not I?

For those who think me inane—or obtuse… or lusterless… or nebulous… or dumb… or naïve… or unduly vexed and full of noxious spleen… (actually, those who picked that last one aren’t wrong…)—to all ov (HA!!)—of you I say… I but wallow—

            (Butt wallow!  Uh!  Disgusting!)

            (Just shut up now…)

—I but wallow amidst mine inner quandaries, paying as little attention to the world at large as needs must I do… and so such doth be the very nub of my gist…

Well—that, and, of course, to beware, always (e’en so, e’en so)… the innocuous Nones of March…

Prithee, forsooth, an’ anon~

 

 

 

 

 

[I liked the one about the nits better.]

 

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—Mishka Zakharin  © 2015

 

 

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