Blog #47: Sex With Pajamas On

Blog #47: Sex With Pajamas On

In lieu of spontaneous, original creative thought… here is an oldie, but a goodie……

 

The nice thing about sex with pajamas on is that:

…you don’t have to worry about what to wear.

…you won’t get a chill.

…you can color coordinate.

…everyone has sex naked; isn’t it fun to be different?

…they’re very handy should you suddenly find yourself in need of a tourniquet.

…it makes little static electricity sparks, creating a sort of mini-light-show.

…you may not want to see your partner naked.

…it just seems much more Christian—and, after all, isn’t that the whole point?

…you don’t have to touch all that hot, steamy sex-flesh… (?)

…it makes it harder for her to pull the hair on his chest.

…it makes it harder for him to pull the hair on her chest.

…they match the bunny slippers.

…it allows for rough sex games, because of the extra cushioning.

…they look much neater on a person than they do strewn across the floor.

…it creates a slumber-party-like atmosphere, providing an exuberance for sex that teen-agers possess before they’ve ever actually had any.

…if a fight breaks out, you don’t have to pause to dress before stalking from the room in a huff.

…it prevents the spread of disease.

…you don’t have to worry about offending your partner should she be the type to find nudity indecent.

…the extra weight gives you traction, and helps you to maintain your balance and equilibrium.

…you can’t tell if she hasn’t shaved her legs.

…they absorb all that dirty-sex sweat, keeping the bed-sheets clean and sanitary.

…the issue of tan-lines remains in question, adding an element of mystery to the sexual excitement.

…you won’t experience the discomfort of sweaty flesh sticking to the kitchen table.

…you won’t inadvertently forget what you’re doing and proceed to pop pimples on your partner’s posterior.

…you won’t get that eerie feeling your partner’s nipples are staring at you.

…you won’t have to worry that she might pinch your arm, because it won’t hurt so much through the fabric.

…it really pisses off any voyeurs you might have in the neighborhood.

…if you’re doing it in the road, you won’t get little gravel dimples in your back.

…you don’t have to worry about whether your partner’s belly-button is an ‘inney’ or an ‘outey’.

…if they’re footy-pajamas—the kind with the rubbery-type feet—you’re grounded in case any of the electronic equipment short-circuits.

…you can eat while you’re doing it and not have to worry about the discomfort of crumbs pressed to your bare flesh.

…she won’t laugh at his sissy-boy hairless chest.

…he still won’t know she stuffs her bra.

…you can still have fun playing with each other’s love-handles without having to look at them and getting all grossed out.

…if you’re doing it in a public place, other people will be too busy wondering why you’re in your pajamas to even notice you’re having sex.

…fabric burns are one of those good kinds of pain.

…when you’re done you can search each other for body lint.

…it covers any extra, unwanted appendages your partner may have.

…pajamas don’t make that annoying rubbing noise that corduroys do.

…it’s suspenseful: it takes twice as long to realize it, should one of you start to bleed.

…it allows for cross-dressing.

…your partner can’t see the love-marks (i.e. hickeys, tooth-marks, footprints, etc.) you got with someone else the night before.

…there isn’t all of that rushing around to get dressed if the doorbell rings.

…big pockets can give the illusion of larger anatomy.

…if you’re Italian, you can use them to strain the pasta.

…flame-retardant pajamas can cut down on dangerously high friction levels.

…that’s how Ward and June did it.

…the flavor lasts much longer… (?)

…even if the sex is lousy, pajamas are made from such wonderfully soft material that you’ll still have a lovely time.

…they aren’t nearly as heavy and cumbersome as snowmobile suits.

…if they’re made from silk or satin, you could slip right off, and wouldn’t that be funny?

…they’re more comfortable than a condom.

…the little Batmans on his pajamas look like they’re having sex with the little Garfields on her pajamas.

…if your partner is the one who gave you the pajamas, it’ll make her think you like them, and that you give a damn about her.

…there’s no possibility for visual stimulation, and physical stimulation—rubbing and such—is also muffled. [Sorry–I guess that wouldn’t be so nice…]

…it doesn’t look quite so incriminating if your partner’s spouse should walk in.

…some patterns—such as plaid or argyle—make it appear as though you are more active than you really are.

…if you’re at the beach, you won’t get sand in your butt or any other place that sand would be a nasty thing to have there.

…it just somehow seems—oh, I don’t know—not quite so rude.

…they prevent suction from building up between pockets of sweating flesh and making embarrassing, flatulent-like noises.

…pockets can contain a light snack (such as cookies) or supplemental stimuli (such as T.V. remote control).

…disrobing is too much like foreplay, and who’s got time for that?

…the dog won’t see your naked butt bobbing up and down, think you’re playing with him, and bite you in the ass.

 

But the nicest thing about having sex with pajamas on—is at least you’re getting it!…

 

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—Mishka Zakharin © 2017

 

My first published novel, ‘Natalya’s Tale’http://www.amazon.com/Natalyas-Tale-Mishka-Zakharin-ebook/dp/B014AO0YWK/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1451148977&sr=8-11&keywords=mishka+zakharin

My second published novel, ‘The Telemachy’: https://www.amazon.com/Telemachy-Mishka-Zakharin/dp/1544932510/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495377884&sr=8-1&keywords=the+telemachy+mishka+zakharin

 

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